V. Important. Not to be read on a Sunday under any circumstances.
Thursday, July 16th, 20095 things that make me sad…
Poor movie endings, older people falling over, my overdraft, ordering food in a restaurant that has concealed mushrooms in it (I’m Mycophobia - google it)
… But most importantly Monday mornings! You’ve had the time of your life over the weekend, narrowly avoiding a heart attack from the vast quantities of lard you’ve consumed, woken from an alcohol-induced coma on Sunday morning barely able to recall your own name and a chance encounter with the love of your life, sadly never catching his/her name. And then it happens, you barely went to bed 5 minutes ago (or so it feels) and you’re pillaged by your own alarm clock at some ungodly hour. I really hate Monday mornings.
I’d like you to think that there is a happy ending to my rant but sadly, no. Monday doesn’t get any better when you get out of bed - quite the opposite. You surface to realise that whilst you managed to cook and eat a full English breakfast with all the trimmings on Saturday and Sunday as well as a Sunday roast, you never did any laundry or shopping or housework.
So before you leave the house, you spend the rest of the morning lurching from one room to another desperately trying to match a pair of socks together whilst the late Richard Whiteley counts you down!
‘Thank the lord’ you’ve made it to work. Ok, perhaps not in the best condition; your socks don’t match (quite possibly the 6th thing that makes me sad), you’re trying to conceal breathy remnants of kebab and you’ve no money till lunchtime and your tummy sounds like the theme tune to Um Bongo. But hey ho!
So what makes Monday’s so painful? I could never put my finger on it.
Was it the weather? The depreciated bank account from a weekend of plundering? Not being able to stay in bed and I really wanted to?
Well to be honest, the weather was always better on a Monday, my bank never had any money in it regardless of weekday or weekend and I rarely ever stayed in bed at the weekends because I’m terrified of missing something. So to conclude, I thoroughly hate Mondays. I have written to our Prime Minister on countless occasions urging him to vote in favour of a 6-day week but I’ve not had a response. However if you agree, let me know.
- Matt